


Blind

by LondonGypsy



Category: Kane (Band)
Genre: Break Up, Confessions, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, First Kiss, First Time, M/M, stupid boys are stupid, with a little help from their friends
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-06-01
Updated: 2011-06-01
Packaged: 2017-12-04 04:53:13
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,651
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/706779
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LondonGypsy/pseuds/LondonGypsy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Steve's hurt and blind for that little something that might cure his pain...</p>
            </blockquote>





	Blind

His heart is broken. Shattered. And he knows he can’t fix that. 

It’s over. She's gone. She left him. 

He swallows hard, feeling the lump in his throat. 

He is sitting at the table in the kitchen, staring blindly at the other chair, her perfume still hanging in the air. 

She fucking left him. 

His thoughts are racing, though his mind is blank. 

He listens to the sounds of this early morning, he hears the ocean crashing against the shore through the open window, feels the soft breeze and smells the freshly brewed coffee from his neighbors’. 

He is frozen in place, he can’t move and breathing is difficult.

Everything hurts. 

It feels as if she'd ripped out his heart and took it with her, leaving a big, bleeding hole in his chest. 

He concentrates on breathing – in and out, in and out. 

It feels strange but he keeps going. 

He doesn’t move, he can’t, only his chest is rising as he keeps sucking in air, his hands flat on the wooden table; he hears her words ringing in his ears, over and over again.

 

“ _I’m sorry. I can’t live like that. I just can’t. I love you, but it’s not enough.”_

_He looked at her, not understanding what she said._

“ _Baby, I love you, too, you know that... “_

_His voice sounded odd, flat. He’s confused._

“ _Baby, what...?”_

“ _No. Please. Don’t make this harder than it is. I've made my decision. It wasn’t easy but I have to go.”_

“ _Go?”_

“ _Yes. Go. I’m leaving you. And I won’t be coming back.”_

_Her words hit him like a punch in the gut._

_He couldn’t say anything, he just stared at her. Her eyes were hard, her lips pressed tight together, her entire body yelled “Don’t say anything!” otherwise he would have begged her to stay._

_But the look in her eyes, the tense shoulders, had told him that it was too late._

_She was still talking, but he didn’t hear her anymore. She stopped as she saw that he wasn’t listening._

_She stood up, putting her mug on the table and came over to where he was sitting._

_She leaned down and kissed him softly, her blonde curls caressing his cold cheeks._

“ _I love you. But I know that you will never love me like that. I'd always be only second in your life and you know that. I hope you will find somebody who can live with that. I can’t.”_

_Her hand ran through his hair, gentle and warm._

“ _Good-bye, Steve.”_

_Big blue eyes watched him a moment and he saw the same pain in them he felt in his heart._

_He raised a hand, wanting to touch her, hold her back, anything to make her stay._

_She shook her head._

“ _Don't.”_

_She whirled around and without another word she ran out of the kitchen._

_Seconds later the entrance door closed with a loud “click”._

 

Time may have passed since then, he doesn’t know and he doesn’t care. 

He's still trying to breathe. 

Eventually he moves. 

Slowly. 

Every movement feels like he's under water; he manages to get up but then he doesn’t know what else to do. 

He stands there, hands uselessly hanging down, hair falling in his face, and then he realizes that he’s shaking. 

Every muscle, every limb is vibrating, his entire body is trembling and he has to lean on the table to not fall down. 

With buckling knees he walks into the living room where he collapses on the couch. 

\---

The next thing he notices is that it is dark. 

First he thinks he's gone blind but then he sees the pale shimmer of the moon falling through the window. 

For a second he tries to feel her presence but as he whispers her name there's nothing but silence...and the ghost of her scent. 

Finally his numb mind realizes what happened and a rough cry leaves his throat.

She's gone. She left him. 

Not for anybody else or because she didn’t love him. 

Not because they had a fight that they couldn’t resolve or because he cheated on her. 

No, because she knew, that he would... _could_ never love her as much as he loved his music.

He wishes he could deny it, that he could call her and prove her wrong, tell her that he loves her more than anything else, that he would do anything for her. 

But he can’t. 

It would be a lie. 

He curls himself into a ball and falls asleep, her image behind closed eyes, sadly smiling. 

\---

The phone wakes him up. 

He staggers to his feet and over to the phone. 

“'llo??” 

He flinches at the hoarse sound of his own voice. 

“Woooaa,” Christian's deep drawl reaches his ear, “you sound like me after two bottles of _Jack_. Are you hungover?” 

“No.” Steve mumbles, rubbing his eyes and shuffles back to the couch. 

“Are you okay, man?? You sound terrible. Should I come over?” 

“NO!”

Steve almost yells. He doesn't want to see anybody, not now. 

“Okay, okay... You sure? You need anything?” 

Steve shook his head wildly. 

“No... I'm good, just... hungover... as you said... Need sleep. Bye, Chris.” 

He just hangs up on him, he can’t stand the worried tone in his voice. 

He throws the phone on the coffee table, falls back on the couch and pulls the blanket over him. 

All he wants is to forget. 

\---

A loud bang starts him and he sits straight up on the couch. 

“What the...?” he mutters, struggling to get to his feet as Christian peeks his head through the door. 

“Ahh, shit, I'm sorry, man, didn’t mean to wake you.” 

He opens the door and walks in, a steaming mug in his hands. He sits next to him on the couch, holding out the coffee. 

“Here, you look as if you need it.” 

Steve takes it, inhaling the hot steam and his shoulders slumps down. 

Christian eyes him carefully before he leans back and puts his feet on the low table in front of the couch.

“So,” he says, “you wanna tell me why you look like shit and sound like an ashtray?” 

“What the fuck are you doing here?” Steve asks, ignoring the question and taking a sip of the hot brew. 

Christian shrugs. 

“You sounded as if you needed a friend,” he states dryly. 

Steve snorts but doesn’t say anything. 

“You wanna tell me or do I have to sit here and wait till your significant other comes home to tell me? I assume you two had a fight, since she ain’t here....” 

Steve clenches hard to the porcelain in his hands and a choked sound slips past his lips. 

Christian looks over and Steve sees how his eyes widen in shock. 

“What the fuck, man?? What happened?” 

Steve shakes his head, over and over again. 

He can’t answer but his hands are shaking again. 

He hears Christian curse and then he takes the mug out of his hands and puts it on the table. 

Without that anchor to cling to, Steve’s hands are trembling violently. 

More curses reach his ear and than Christian's big hands are around his, holding them together to stop the shaking. 

“Steve, man, come on, talk to me. What the hell happened??” 

Christian's voice is full of worry and the concerned tone has Steve choke again. 

Christian just holds his hands, watching him with blue eyes, waiting patiently for him to tell.

Steve swallows hard; he has to tell somebody. Sooner or later everybody will know it but for now... 

“She left me.” 

Just three words, but they cut deep. But before he really can think about the pain that spreads in his chest, strong arms are wrapped around him and Christian pulls him into a breathtaking hug. 

He's murmuring soothing words, his hand strokes over Steve’s back and just like that Steve lets go. The first tears start to fall, and soon he’s crying silently while Christian holds him tightly.

He doesn’t know how long they were sitting like this but eventually Steve pulls back, eyes red, cheeks wet and his hair tousled. He forces a grimacing smile but Christian only shakes his head. 

“Nah, man, c'mere,” he says softly and Steve, knowing he can’t go through this alone, just leans back, trying to forget, finding comfort in Christian's arms. 

Christian just holds him, caressing his back, mumbling senseless words and finally he feels the tensed body relaxing. 

He loosens his grip, but still keeping the contact, hoping it helps Steve to calm down. 

“What happened, man? You wanna tell me?” he asks silently, pushing the hair out of Steve’s eyes. Steve shakes his head again, not able to find the words. 

“'s okay, shhhh, you don’t have to, I'm here for you...” Christian croons, pulling him back against his chest. “'s all good...” 

Steve settles into the hug, feeling oddly safe in Christian's arms. 

They always had that strong bond between them, they always knew what the other one needed, be it a kick in the ass or a hug. They never bothered with the weird looks they got sometimes. It was just their way to be there for each other. 

They knew each other for too long to care what others may think about their relationship. There had always been girls; Christian had his fair share and so had Steve. They've always supported the other one, never judged each other’s taste in women and usually they were there when it ended. 

But Christian had never seen Steve that broken. 

That woman had been his everything, they had been together for so long that Christian had expected the wedding invitations for a while now. 

But obviously he had been wrong. 

He caresses Steve’s back, over and over, not realizing that Steve shifted closer until his head lay on his chest, hard and heavy. 

“She said....” Steve’s voice is raw and Christian jerks back at the deep pain in it. 

“She said, I'd never loved... loved her as much as I loved the music....and that I.... “

“Stop!” Christian growls, leaning back to look into Steve’s face. 

His eyes are deep red, his lashes glued together from his tears and the deep hurt in his face has Christian clench his hands into fists. 

“Whatever she said, she knew what she got herself into...She fucking knew that you're a musician. She knew that the music would always be your first concern and if she thinks you would give that up...for her?? Then she doesn’t deserve you at all!” 

Christian is growling now, deep and dangerous and Steve frowns at him. 

“But...she was right...I love her, still do, but I would never give up my music... I couldn’t... I...” 

“Damn right, you wouldn’t. You're too fucking good to give that up...for a woman...any woman... and if she's stupid enough to believe that... then... then...” Christian is stumbling, face red and he's breathing heavily through his nose. 

Steve frowns at him; he had never seen his friend that outrageous over his love life. 

“Chris?” 

“What?” 

“Uhm... you okay?” Steve asks carefully, sitting back up, pushing the hair out of his face.

“Actually, no! She left you because you love the music more than her? Well, her loss. She has no idea... she... you... your music is your everything, your life. Does she have _any_ idea what the music means to you? How could she possibly want you to give that up, huh?” 

He gets louder and Steve lays a hand on his shoulder to calm him down.

“Hey, relax, man... She never would have wanted that...that's.....well, that’s the reason she left...” Steve swallows hard, closing his eyes for a moment, hearing her words again: 

“ _You will always be married to your music, Steve, you just can’t give that up. And I wouldn’t want that. It’s everything you are, I understand that much... But I can’t live with that, you know? I see you on stage, see how much love and passion you have for your work, how much you love what you do. I see how you're glowing when you play... It’s a wonderful thing. But knowing it’s not me who makes you feel like that... it hurts. And I can’t live with that anymore....”_

Christian lets out a quiet groan and Steve opens his eyes, looking at him. 

“At least she knows that she can’t take that away from you,” Christian grunts, his entire body tense, fists still clenching. 

He's watching him, his eyes go soft as Steve’s meet his, searching for the reason of his outburst, and Christian's holding his gaze. 

Suddenly the air between them feels thick, too thick to breathe, too hot; Steve feels a shiver running down his spine.

Christian's look is more intense now, dark blue eyes are locked with his, narrowed and an intensity in them, Steve hadn't seen there. 

Steve wants to say something, wanting to break the silence between them, a silence that’s filled with something he can’t even name, but then Christian slowly leans forward, never taking his eyes off of him. Steve can smell him and he's wondering why that familiar scent all of a sudden gives him chills, but then Christian's warm lips are on his, and the world stops turning. 

His lips are only lightly brushing over Steve's, gently and hesitantly. Steve's sub-conscience tells him that Christian is holding back; he knows his body language as well as his own. He feels Christian's hands tighten around his neck where he is still holding him, feels the muscles play against his shoulders, feels his warmth. 

His brain is still trying to sort out what is happening but then there is Christian's tongue, just a short flicker against his lips, and before Steve can even think about it, he gives in. He opens his mouth and Christian's tongue slips in, searching for Steve's. When they finally meet, the incredible feeling makes Steve moan quietly into Christian's mouth. Encouraged by that noise Christian presses harder against him, deepening the kiss and Steve's mind shortly lets him know that this is wrong. But then again, his body tells him differently: _fuck yeah, feels fucking amazing, more, more, god, now, please._

Christian's mouth on his is warm, his lips soft and the quiet little moans he makes go straight to Steve’s cock, twitching in his jeans. 

A big hand curls around his neck, the other one slips under his shirt, brushing over his cold skin, leaving hot trails on the flesh, burning like fire. 

“Steve...” Christian murmurs against his lips, before he licks deep in Steve's mouth, kissing him harder, more thoroughly, as if he wants to make him forget... as if he wants to erase the memories of... _her_! 

Eventually his brain kicks in and Steve jerks back, panting and in shock. 

Christian's eyes are huge, the sparkling blue dark and clouded but reluctantly he lets go of Steve. 

“Fuck, Kane, what the hell??” Steve is surprised at the roughness in his own voice and he slides out of Christian's reach, pressing his back against the end of the couch. 

“I want you.” Christian whispers, blushing but looking him straight in the eye. 

“I have always wanted you, Steve. Since the first time I saw you. Since the first time you stepped foot into my life and said “Hi” with your fucking seductive drawl and your ridiculously sexy smile. Wanted to drown in your eyes, wanted them to look at me how you looked at her. Wanted to kiss you like you kissed her, wanted to leave parties with you, hand in hand, stealing kisses and not able to wait to be alone. Wanted to feel your hands all over my body, wanted to feel you, touch you....” 

His voice trails of, his cheeks are burning deep red but his eyes are clear, wide open and honest. Steve knows what he sees in them in this very moment: Christian's soul. He swallows hard as Christian continues, his voice almost inaudible, but his words are like punches for Steve. 

“I want you. Always have and always will. I'm sorry, man. I can’t change what I feel. Fuck, God knows, I tried... I tried so hard but I can’t... I know you're deeply hurt and I shouldn’t have done this. It just... happened and I'm sorry. I should go.” 

Steve flinches. That confession, coming from his fucking best friend for Christ’s sake, makes him cringe. His mind is racing while he watches Christian get up. He smiles at him, sadness showing behind the motionless mask -his actor face- before he turns and slowly walks out of the room, shoulders down, a defeated man. 

Before Steve can even think about it, he's on his feet, following him into the hallway. 

“Christian, wait.” 

Christian stops, hand on the door handle. He hems roughly. 

“I'm sorry, man, I really am. Me and my fucking loose mouth.” He doesn't turn, he's speaking against the wooden entrance door. 

“I wish I could take it back. I know you love her. I've seen you, how you look at her. Maybe I’m stupid but I am not blind. But she would never have understood what it means to you to be on stage, doing what you love so fucking much. She would never have taken you as you are: a musician who would never give up the one and only passion he has in his life. She tried to change you, even though you didn’t see it. Fuck, how could you? She was your everything....” 

Christian sighs before he lifts his head and turns to face his friend, standing in the doorframe, baffled and still. 

“I'm sooo fucking sorry. Really. For everything... her...me. But I can’t change it. It’s too late. I can only hope that you get over it. Whenever that might be. Hell, you always do, you're stronger than me.” 

He lowers his head, and Steve thinks he wants to say more; actually, he's waiting for more. But Christian only shakes his head slowly and as he looks back up again, the deep despair in his eyes makes something in Steve’s stomach twist hard. 

“I only hope I didn’t fuck up our friendship. Although... I probably have...well, nothing new here...” 

He reaches for the door and it takes Steve three steps to hold him back. 

“Don't.” 

He has no idea what he really means but he can’t let Christian leave like that. 

Christian hesitates a moment and that’s all Steve needs. He wraps his arms around him and pulls him close. 

“You didn’t fuck up,” he mumbles silently, getting lost in the familiar feeling of the other man in his arms.

Christian doesn't move, hell, he barely breathes and Steve tightens his grip. 

He has no idea what he is doing and why it is so important for him to assure Christian that he didn’t just screw up the best friendship he ever had in his life. 

His head is still spinning and he knows they have some serious shit to talk about. Later, though, he decides as he pulls back, searching for Christian's eyes. 

“Chris... “

His voice trails off as Christian's steel blue eyes pierce into his own, deep as the ocean, vulnerable, desperate, showing every single emotion he feels.

Steve always could read Christian like an open book just by looking at him, and it’s not different now. He sees so much in those eyes and Steve can’t help himself. 

He leans forward and brushes his lips over Christian's. Only a short moment, but Steve knows with a certainty that kinda scares him that this little touch will change everything. 

Christian sighs silently against his mouth and that tiny, tiny sound let Steve forget everything. His hands are twisting in the fabric under his palms and he pulls the other man closer. 

Oh, fuck, why and how has he never realized how damn great Christian feels? All soft skin and tense muscles, hard and strong under smooth and lightly tanned skin. Steve closes his eyes, savoring Christian's smell, musky and distinctive; he'd always known when Christian is close by, his scent is something Steve knew by heart and would always recognize. 

Carefully, almost shyly he tips his tongue against Christian's closed lips. With a raw, low growl Christian finally moves. He grabs his hips, swirls them around and slams Steve against the wall, trapping him between it and his body. 

He pulls back for a short moment and Steve groans unconsciously at the sight: dark curls around a face he’s known half his life, eyes, blue, so fucking blue, sinful lips, full and sensual.... 

But then his mouth, those damn soft lips, are back, kissing him hard and Steve forgets everything. Christian is the total opposite of _her_ sweet tenderness: he's rough and relentless. His tongue pushes inside Steve's mouth, curling around his tongue, and as Christian's taste explodes along Steve’s nerves, he just clings to him, allowing himself to get lost in that strange familiar-unfamiliar feeling. 

Christian presses against him, his leg pushes between Steve’s' thighs, hesitantly rubbing against his hardening dick and making him moan – it feels too amazing that Steve could not react to it. 

“God, I wanna touch you so badly,” Christian murmurs into the kiss, his hands running restlessly over Steve’s back and sides. Steve’s head falls against the wall at the deep want he hears in that soft whiskey drawl he knows so fucking well. 

But as his fingers slide under Steve’s shirt and caress his skin, Steve snaps out of the haze that surrounded him for the last hours.

“Chris, I... stop, please... you...can’t do...wrong...God...please...” 

Christian ends his incoherent ramblings with another long, deep kiss - _oh, God, yes, don’t stop, need, want, must_ \- and as he lets go, Steve is panting and he is so hard it almost hurts, as his entire body is trembling with desire.

Christian nuzzles his neck, nipping and licking, whispering words against his skin Steve doesn’t understand. 

“What?” he mumbles, pressing his hands back against the solid wall to keep them from sliding into Christian's hair. 

“Let me take care of you, Stevie. Please....Just this time...” 

Steve eyes roll back; it’s so fucking tempting to just give in. He knows for sure that Christian can do that. He always could make him forget bad shit. But he'd never did it like this: with hot lips and determined tongue, tracing circles over Steve's sensitive skin or strong hands on his back, causing his heart to beat so damn fast. 

“'s wrong,” Steve whispers but his body is shamelessly betraying his words as he bucks his hips softly against Christian's. 

“Does it feel wrong?” 

Steve moans as Christian's silent words reach his ears; _fuck no, it feels so fucking right, so fucking amazing._

Christian is kissing his neck, light butterfly kisses, barely enough to feel, but they melt Steve’s resistance; the urge to give in is stronger than anything else.

His hands come up and he’s cupping Christian's face, stubble rubbing scratchy against his palms. Christian looks up and again his eyes show Steve every fucking little thing he needs to know. The deep affection Steve sees shoots shivers down his spine and his stomach flips. 

Steve’s thumb slides over Christian's cheekbone and Christian leans into the touch, lids slowly closing. Stunned, Steve is watching him, and as Christian's hands curl around his waist, fingertips brushing over naked skin, Steve’s brain simply shuts down. 

He leans in and let his tongue swipe over Christian's lips, amazed at the taste and the feeling. Both groan silently, clinging to each other, kissing like starving men, and then Steve doesn’t think anymore.

\---

Slowly he’s drifting out of the vivid dream he's had. It takes a second to realize that he's in his bed and not on the couch anymore. His eyes hurt and his throat feels like he had drank too much. He cracks one eye open, glimpses at the clock at the nightstand and groans. 

Too early to get up. He pulls the blanket up and rolls on the other side. 

He freezes. The covers are ruffled and there's a smell in the air that doesn’t belong there. 

And just like that the memories are rushing back; his brain feels like it’s going to explode as images flicker behind his closed eyes: 

Her – in the kitchen, telling him she is leaving him. 

Himself – beat and broken on the couch.

Christian – blue eyes and soft hands, kissing him gently... 

Oh my God, what has he done?? 

Steve is whimpering as the images of last night flood his mind. 

Sweet, smooth skin under his palms mixed with hard muscles. 

Whispered words in the dark, making him blush deeply now that the sun is shining in his bedroom. 

Panted assurances, that everything's gonna be okay. 

 

“ _I got you, Stevie... let me... God...I love you...._ ” 

 

Steve curls around himself, pressing his hands against his eyes, trying, wanting to undo what he did.

But Christian's lowly slurred words are ringing in his ears, loud and clear, tearing him apart. 

“Fuck, fuck, fuck.” Steve's cursing silently as he feels his dick harden as his mind replays the night before. 

 

_Christian felt so fucking great, he tasted like nothing Steve had ever tasted and the things he did with his hands and that mouth made Steve forget everything but these moments._

_Christian led them to the bedroom, kissing Steve the whole time, holding him close, never letting go of his body._

_Slowly he undressed him, piece by piece, purring sweet words into Steve’s ear, encouraging him to do the same._

_Carefully he let his hands slide over Christian's shirt, amazed at the feeling of his hard body under the fabric. With shaking hands he opened the buttons and slid the shirt down Christian's arms. He stared at his chest, hesitated for a moment before he laid one hand on the tanned skin. Christian stood still, only his harsh breathing could be heard._

_Steve’s fingertips wandered over his warm flesh, mapping every inch, causing goosebumps and huffed sighs. As he leaned in and placed small kisses on that skin, Christian moaned lowly and arched his back into his touch._

_Christian gently pushed him backwards until his knees hid the bed and he fell down. Christian knelt between his slightly spread legs and let his gaze slide over Steve, making him shiver at the intensity._

_He laid his hands on Steve’s legs, caressing every single inch of skin on his way up, running over his thighs, his belly, his chest and his arms._

_Steve moaned and bit his lip, shuddering as Christian's fingers reached his face. He caressed his cheeks, cautious and so softly that Steve’s eyes filled with tears at the tenderness._

_He could feel that Christian held himself back. Steve knew with a certainty that was based in their long friendship, that the other man didn’t want to overwhelm him._

_He reached out and pulled him into a slow, languid kiss._

_First Christian just let him, only went with what Steve offered him. But as Steve’s kissing got more urgent, more needy, he let go. He covered him with his body and Steve groaned loudly as their heated flesh met and Christian's dick rubbed against his own._

_Both growled into each others mouth, pressing against the other, and as Christian slid off Steve to run his hands over his chest, Steve closed his eyes, seizing the feeling._

_Christian's fingertips trailed over his skin, up and down, slowly sliding further down. The soft touch set Steve’s body on fire, it felt so fucking great, and then Christian's hand closed around his aching cock, making him moan loudly._

_But as soon as he moved his hips into the touch the hand is gone again. Steve whined but Christian soothed him with muttered words and Steve felt his mouth closing around one nipple, felt his tongue circling around it, and he yelped at the sensation._

_Christian shifted next to him so he could kiss every part of Steve’s chest, making him clutch the sheets at the feeling of those hot lips against his skin._

_He felt him sliding lower, felt his hands on his hips, felt the heavy breathing and it just felt so fucking amazing, so incredible that he’s faintly wondering why he didn’t know...._

_Christian's lips closed hard around his weeping cock and Steve yelled out loud, his head pressed deep into the pillow and he couldn’t help but thrust into the heat of Christian's mouth. He couldn’t breathe, his head was swimming and he dug his hands into the sheets while waves of pleasure washed over him._

_Hot, so damn hot and wet and fucking mind-blowing._

_Christian licked, sucked and bit, driving Steve closer and closer to the edge._

_He was panting, a single sweat drop rolled down his cheek and then his hands were in Christian's hair, holding him, guiding him, and as Christian hummed approvingly around his hard dick it took him only one more thrust. He came heavily, shooting into Christian's mouth, and he felt him sucking him in even deeper, drawing out his orgasm until Steve’s tensed body slumped back on the bed, buzzing in the afterglows._

_Christian slid up, kissing him hungrily and as Steve tasted himself in that frantic kiss something inside him snapped. He pulled Christian as close as possible, wanting to feel his muscular body against his own, wanting to touch him everywhere, and Christian went with it. Long, low moans filled the room, echoing around them and Steve couldn’t get enough of those rough little sounds that left Christian's mouth; he wanted to hear more, he needed to hear more._

_His fingers slid down Christian's side, over his hips and as he brushed over Christian's throbbing cock the noise he made, hoarse and shaky, was something Steve would never forget._

_He closed his hand around the silky flesh, slightly wondering what to do but the groans and whines Christian made guided him, and he just did what he himself had always liked._

_Adding pressure he started moving up and down Christian's dick, feeling the veins against his palm, feeling it pulsate and as he twisted his fingers over the sensitive head, Christian whimpered. Steve glimpsed through his lashes and the sight of him, lids pressed shut, lips parted, face flushed and head bent back was something so sensual, so fucking hot that Steve had to swallow hard._

_He caught Christian's lips between his own, grazing his teeth over the skin, sucking it into his mouth while his hand never stopped moving._

“ _Steve...”_

_It was only a silent sigh but filled with everything he didn’t say and Steve’s heart clenched at the longing tone._

_Christian thrust into Steve’s grip, a shudder had him trembling as he came in Steve’s hand, spilling hot and sticky over him, growling his name over and over again. Still shaking he wrapped his arms around Steve and dragged him into a passionate kiss._

_As he pulled back his eyes were shining brightly and he smiled wearily. He slid out of the bed, padded into the near-by bathroom and came back with a wet, warm washcloth._

_Softly he cleaned Steve up, then himself before he tossed it on the floor. He grabbed the blanket and covered them both, before he rolled on his side to look at him._

_Steve’s head was spinning, he felt exhausted, drained and confused. And there was Christian, big blue eyes watching him with a pleading look, Steve weakly smiled at him and shifted closer. Christian took his hands and placed small kisses on the knuckles._

“ _Sleep, Steve. You need it.”_

_Steve nodded wordlessly; today had been long and his eyes fell shut. He didn’t see how Christian watched him while he drifted into sleep. He felt his hand though, faintly brushing over his cheek, pushing the curls out of his face._

“ _God, I love you.”_

_It was a hushed whisper, barely audible, but it accompanied Steve into the depths of his dreams._

 

Steve moans as his orgasm hits him; he hadn’t noticed that he was jerking off furiously. His entire body is shuddering, and the memories mixed with the smell of sex and Christian in his bed make him come hard and intensely. 

He is shaking and groaning as wave after wave washes over him. Eventually it stops and faded until he’s only slightly trembling. His body feels like gummy, boneless, and he’s concentrating on his breathing, trying to calm it down. 

After a while he feels like he’s steady enough to move and he throws the blankets away. He gets up and shuffles into the bathroom to take a shower. He's sticky and sweaty and he needs to clear his head. 

While he stands under the hot stream, letting the water wash away the evidence of last night, his mind is racing. 

He can’t think straight though, he still feels Christian's lips, can still feel his hands, still hear his silent moans and his own hands go back to his cock, stroking himself hard and helplessly. 

“God, Christian, what did you do to me?” 

The words left his lips and echoes in the steam filled bathroom. His fingers close almost violently around his aching dick, not able to stop. 

With a low, long growl he comes again, spilling his come against the tiles, Christian's name on his lips. He slides down to the floor and slings his arms around his knees, panting, and suddenly he’s softly crying. Tears run down his face, mixing with the hot water, still pattering down on him. 

As the water slowly gets colder, he gathers himself and gets up, turns the tap off and grabs a towel. 

Slowly he walks back in the bedroom; the fucking smell of Christian still fills the room and cursing loudly Steve jerks the window open. 

Towel around his hips he grabs the sheets, wanting to strip his bed as his eyes falls on the piece of paper laying on the pillow. Christian's handwriting covers the white page and Steve’s head starts spinning as he hesitantly reaches out. His eyes fly over the letters and his stomach clenches heavily as he sees the controlled writing. 

Usually Christian scribbles so illegibly that even he himself sometimes has a hard time reading it. But this is neatly written; he was making sure that Steve could really read this. 

Steve takes a shaky breath and starts reading. 

_I am sorry. I am so fucking sorry, Steve, I don’t know what got into me. You were – are – hurt deeply, and I shouldn't have taken advantage of that. But I did and I feel terrible._

_I don’t know if you can forgive me or if we ever can go back to that friendship we once had._

_Honestly, I don’t think I can. I feel things for you, thing I shouldn't feel. I tried too long to hide them but last night...._

Here he had stopped; Steve sees the crossed out words. He swallows hard before he continues reading. 

_Anyway, watching you sleep last night made me realize that I can't take back what I did and said._

_And that I don’t want to. I feel horrible for running you over when you were most vulnerable. I don’t blame you. It’s all my fault. But it also made me realize that my feelings for you are stronger than I thought. I can't lose you, but I will. You weren't yourself last night and I know you still love her._

_Eric called me this morning to let me know there's a movie project and I'm gonna take that offer._

_It'll be filmed overseas, so..._

_I'll fly today, so you don’t need to see me. I don’t know how long this will take. But for now you don’t have to deal with my shitty self or the crap I did to you._

_I called Jensen this morning, made sure he's nearby if you need him._

_And don’t you dare ever give up your music, for nobody. You're too damn good._

_Good bye, Stevie. Take care of yourself, would ya?_

_Christian_

_P.S. Getting drunk might help._

Steve snorts loudly at the last line; it was Christian's try to make him laugh but he feels more like crying. 

He falls back on the bed, the letter loosely in his hand, staring against the bedroom wall. 

Now Christian left him too, and he doesn’t know what hurts more: her, walking out of his kitchen and his life, or losing his fucking best friend. 

Before he can think of it he grabs the phone and calls the number he knows better than his own. 

It’s ringing but nobody's picking up. Frustrated he calls two other numbers but the same: silence. 

He throws the phone on the bed and falls back, arm thrown over his eyes. 

His heart hurts like a sore wound and his eyes sting with tears that don’t wanna come. 

“Fuck you, Christian. Fuck you for doing this to me.” 

His voice is quiet and tiny as he curses into the empty room. 

He curls around himself, trying to hide in himself and then there's that smell again. Steve curses again but pulls the pillow down and buries his nose in the soft cotton, inhaling the scent. 

There are no more tears, no more sobbing or any other way to release the pain he feels. He's exhausted; with shaking hands he pulls the blanket over him, gasping as more of Christian's fucking smell hits him. Eventually sleep takes over and his eyes fall shut. 

\---

When he wakes up again it's bright and sunny in his bedroom and a soft breeze moves the curtains, carrying the smells of the near ocean into the room. 

Steve groans; he doesn’t want to wake up. He doesn’t want to face reality. He wants to hide here, blankets over his head, drowning in self-pity, drinking in the smell of the man who used to be his best friend. 

As he eventually gets up his eyes falls on that letter again and with a hushed curse he grabs it and rips it into tiny pieces. He throws the shreds in the bin and walks into the kitchen. 

He isn't hungry but he needs coffee. 

While he busies his hands with the soothing routine of making coffee his mind won’t stop rattling. He just goes with it, because he already knows that he can’t do anything about it. 

His thoughts are circling around the two people he loved the most and who had hurt him the most. Both loved him, he knows that but both had ripped his heart out, left him shattered and broken and he doesn’t know what to do. 

He pours himself a mug, opens the door to the deck, walking out and sits on the bench. He draws his knees up and stares at the ocean, getting lost in his racing thoughts.

 _She_ was the love of his life, she stole his heart the first second he saw her years ago. Her blonde hair, her sweet smile, the light blue eyes, sparkling with a fire that had made Steve's heart stutter when he met her back in the day. 

It wasn’t easy to win her heart but when he finally did it felt just right. She quickly had moved in with him, shared everything with him except the love for the music. She liked it, yeah, but she hated it when he was away, playing all those cities she couldn’t come along to due to her work. 

More than once he had suggested that she quit it, come with him, travel the world. He earned enough money with his music and the studio that he could have afforded to take her with him. 

But she didn’t want to, she wanted to stay independent, didn’t want to depend solely on him, she said, when they had an argument about that again. He understood that, but he also felt her slip away, bit by bit. Every time he came back home from a tour or an overseas gig she was a little more reserved around him and it always took him a little bit longer to get her back. 

Steve closed his eyes and groaned. He should have known, deep down inside he had felt it but he didn’t want to see it, didn’t want to face reality. 

“I'm such an idiot,” he murmurs into the warmth of the day, reliving all those tiny moments he didn’t want to see, all those little things he chose to ignore in order to not deal with it. 

Actually, it was long overdue; he realizes that now. 

He sighs deeply and takes another sip of his coffee. 

He swallows the hot liquid and his mind already analyzes every mistake, every little thing he did wrong over the past couple of years. 

He brought her gifts her from every gig he went to, small things, nothing big, but it always meant something to him - jewelry, of course, but sometimes it was a book or a CD he found and thought she might like. He once brought her a plant from Europe, exotic and pretty, and last year he had gotten her some fruits from Hawaii; he shivered as he thought at the trouble it had caused at the airport. Christian had only laughed, as the Security asked him over and over again why he wanted to import such rare fruits. 

Steve growls as his stream of thoughts gets distracted as he thinks of the man. 

Christian Kane. Fellow musician and best friend. 

The only constancy in his busy and hectic life. 

He's always present even if he isn't physically there – for 15 fucking years now. 

They are together longer than either of them had been together with a woman. 

Sure, they have their arguments, they fight like rabid animals for what they want and more than once they had gotten into such a huge fight over something they didn't talk for a week. 

But usually after some time had passed one of them calls the other one or drives by to apologize. 

And just like that everything is back to normal again. 

They spend so much time together, on tour, in the studio, hell, even at home. 

Steve hisses as the same little things he just realized fills his mind: this time all those tiny little moments with Christian. 

When Christian gives him that smile only Steve knows or that hug that lasts too long. 

That contact when he hands him his guitar back or when he walks by, brushing against his back even though there is enough space. 

All those moments flicker through Steve’s head and he remembers Christian's words from last night. 

 

“ _I have always wanted you, Steve. Since the first time I saw you. Since the first time you stepped foot into my life.”_

 

Steve’s eyes fall shut as the memory of Christian's deep soft drawl sends sparks along his spine. 

“Shit!! Why didn’t I see that?” Steve mumbles quietly in his mug. 

“Cause you're a fucking idiot, Steve.” 

He jumps up and spills coffee all over his bare legs. He curses and as he turns to face Jensen's gold-green eyes he scowls at him.

“What...??” 

“I said, you're a fucking idiot, Carlson. Everybody could see it. But you were too blind.” 

Jensen disappears into the kitchen and comes back with a mug, sitting down next to Steve and looking at him, a grim expression on his face. 

Steve only stares at him, mouth hanging open and trying to sort out what his friend just said. 

Jensen only glares back before taking a sip of his coffee. 

“Fuck, man, what happened? Chris called me in the middle of the night, stammering something about screwing up, you and your woman. He didn’t make much sense. The only thing I could get out of him is that he confessed his feelings for you.” 

Steve feels his face flush and he looks away from Jensen's omniscient eyes. 

“Damnit, Steve, don’t tell me you never realized it. Everybody who knows him even a little could see how he looked at you. He may be an actor but if you knew him a little bit you would've seen it.” 

Steve hides his burning face behind his hair.

“I didn’t know,” he mumbles quietly, wanting be invisible right now. 

Jensen snorts but the hand he puts on Steve’s shoulder to make him look up is gentle.

“But now you know.” It’s a statement, no question and Steve only nods, defeated. 

Jensen leans back on his seat. 

“So, what are you gonna do? As far as I could decipher from Chris's ramblings, she broke up with you. Why? Because of Christian?” 

Steve shoots up, wanting to deny it but then he thinks about all those moments between them and he shrugs wearily. 

“Dunno, she never said anything. Maybe she didn’t know.”

“Steve,” Jensen sighs, “she's a damn woman, they know more shit than they let on.” 

Steve looks at him for a moment and then shrugs again. 

Jensen just leaves him to his nagging thoughts and drinks his coffee. He knows that Steve is confused and irritated. Hell, he would be, too. He also knows that he can’t do anything right now. Steve has to sort it out by himself. But he can be there for him in case he needs him, so he stays, waiting patiently. 

Eventually Steve unfolds from his hunched position on the bench and stands up. 

Jensen looks up to him and arches an eyebrow in an unspoken question. 

Steve shakes his head. 

“I don’t know what I'm gonna do, Jen, I really don’t.” 

Jensen puts his mug on the small table and stands up as well. 

“Well, I guess I'm not needed here right now. Call me, if you wanna talk.” 

He grins at Steve, gives him a quick hug and Steve walks him to the front door. 

As he opens the door and is almost out of the house he turns. 

“Christian's flight leaves later this afternoon, at 5. Flight 356. Just so you know...” 

He lets the words and their meaning linger in the air before he carefully closes the door. 

Steve stares at the wood while Jensen's words race through his brain. 

After a moment he walks back into the living room and his eyes go to the first clock he can find. 2pm. 

“Fuck,” he mumbles into the empty room. 

He wanders into the bedroom but the sight of the bed makes him shudder and he quickly grabs his phone and closes the door tightly. 

He checks the phone but there's nothing, no call, no text, only an empty display. Lost in thought he restlessly presses the buttons and somehow the photos he took appear. 

His heart jumps as he sees the pictures from his birthday last year. He scrolls through them: him with her, laughing and happy, flirting with each other. He and his buddies, screwing around and acting like teenagers. And, of course, he and Christian. There's one picture that catches his attention. He knows he didn’t take that one but he wasn’t exactly sober that night, so anybody could have taken his phone and... 

“Oh God....” 

His legs buckle and he has to sit down; he almost falls to the floor, his hand clutching the phone. 

The photo shows him and Christian. They were playing their guitars and Steve remembers that they did a late night jam session. Steve was grinning widely, his hair was stuck to his temples and his shirt was sweat-soaked. Christian was sitting right next to him, looking at him, also smiling. Steve sees the affection in his face, the way Christian looked at him and at this very moment everything falls in place. He never noticed that before because he never paid attention, but now he knows what Jensen meant. Christian is beaming at him and Steve mirrors his expression. For somebody who didn’t know them it must look like they....

“...are in love...” Steve whispers into the empty room.

He stares at the phone in his hand. As the display goes into its sleep mode Steve sees his reflection on it and that snaps him out of his rigidity. 

He jumps to his feet, checks the clock and groans. 

He whirls around, grabs his keys and almost runs out of the house, barely making sure the door closes behind him. 

 

90 minutes later he pulls his car into a tiny parking lot at LAX, jumps out and runs into the terminal. 

Frantically he checks the destination boards, praying that he isn’t too late. 

After a few seconds he finally finds the right flight and huffs out a sigh of relief; boarding hasn’t started yet. 

A quick look around tells him where to go and he hurries to the gate. 

The closer he comes the slower he gets. 

His mind was blank all the way here but now his head is filled with all kinds of “What ifs...” 

He hadn’t really thought that through. He doesn’t even know what exactly he wants to say if he gets the chance. All he knows is that he can’t lose Christian. Not like that. Not at all. 

His breath catches in his throat as he lets his eyes wander over the waiting passengers. 

“Where are you?” he mumbles while he coils through all those people blocking his way. 

Finally he finds him. 

Christian is sitting at the window, staring outside, his bag and his always-present guitar right next to him. His face is blank but Steve sees his eyes, sees the devastation in them, and his hands itch to stroke over those deep, deep wrinkles on his forehead, making them disappear. 

He stops, not sure what to do now. 

Christian lifts his head and as if he is drawn by an invisible power, his eyes fall on Steve. 

Both freeze; Steve sees the shock in Christian's face. 

The knot in Steve’s stomach tightens and a hot shiver runs down his spine as Christian locks eyes with him, disbelief and hope flashing over his tired face. 

He tilts his head, only a tiny bit, studies him, trying to read him, like Steve used to read Christian. 

Steve still has no idea where this all leads, but deep down inside he knows, knows with every fiber of his being, that this is the only thing to do. 

His lips curl into an insecure smile and his hands are shaking but Christian's face lights up like a candle. Seeing that, Steve's heart starts beating faster and he takes one step closer to him, never taking his eyes off of the other man. 

Christian doesn’t move as Steve walks all the way over with trembling knees, only his piercing gaze following every move he makes.

Eventually Steve stops just in front of him, nervously biting his lips. 

“Hi,” he says hoarsely. 

“Hey,” Christian answers with a voice Steve had never heard, too deep and controlled, so not Christian's, and he flinches. 

Christian sees it and frowns, deepening the wrinkles on his forehead. 

Before he knows what he’s doing or before he can hold back Steve reaches out and tries to smooth them away. 

The short contact shoots a shock through his system and he moans breathlessly. 

Christian's eyes close and he sighs quietly, leaning into the touch. 

But then he jerks back and as he opens his eyes again, they are huge and so fucking blue, shimmering with tears. 

He's shaking his head, over and over again, his hands are clenching to the edge of his seat. 

“Chris...” 

Steve's voice breaks and he swallows hard before he sits next to him, trying to get the other man to look at him. Steve lets his hand fall on the seat, brushing it against Christian's and both gasp softly at the touch. 

“Don’t leave,” Steve whispers, “I can’t lose you.” 

Christian growls and the sound of it has Steve shudder again. 

He covers Christian's hand with his own, amazed at the feeling under his palm and against his fingers. 

“Please, stay. I … I can’t be without you. I need you, Chris,” Steve murmurs and presses his hand tighter against Christian's. 

Finally the other man looks up. 

“You're hurt, man. You don’t know what you're saying,” he grunts, pulling his hand away. In this very moment Steve realizes that whatever happened before or will happen now he can’t live without Christian. He is a part of his life. Forever. 

He reaches out and takes Christian's hand back, entwining their fingers and pulls until Christian has to shift closer. 

“I was hurt, yes. I loved, nah, still love her.” Christian flinches but Steve doesn’t let him back away and keeps talking. 

“Yes, I do and probably always will, but last night made me realize something, too. I don’t need her like I need you. You are always there for me. You always have my back. Hell, you kick my ass if I need that. Yes, I can be bitchy and cranky but you’ve never left my side. You’ve been with me for fucking 15 years now. You can’t just leave me like that. Not after last night. You simply can’t.” 

Christian watches Steve’s outburst with big eyes. Steve pulls him a little closer. Now their faces almost touch; Steve could smell him, feel his warmth and he took a deep breath of that intoxicating scent that is all Christian, so natural and always present that Steve’s stomach flipped. The thought of losing this, losing him, was something he couldn’t endure. 

“Steve...I...you weren't yourself last night...you were devastated and...I, I just took advantage which I shouldn’t have..and...” 

“Shut up, would ya?!” Steve interrupted Christian's ramblings, his thumb caressing the other man's hand almost hypnotically. 

“I didn’t do anything I didn’t want to, ya hear me?. I might be confused, yes, but I still had all my senses together! I still may not know what exactly I am doing here or how and where this leads but I do know, that I am not alone....?” 

The question mark lingers in the air, waiting to be answered. Christian watches him, and Steve feels every single heartbeat, every breath as Christian tries to find out if he really means what he was saying. 

A tiny smile lifts the corner of Christian's mouth as he carefully lays his other hand on top of their already joined hands. 

“No,” he whispers so quietly, that Steve almost misses it, “you ain’t alone. Never were and never will be.” 

Steve lets out a long huff; he doesn’t notice that he held his breath. 

He squeezes Christian's hand and unconsciously he leans forward, searching his closeness. 

“Not here,” Christian groans, even though his eyes darken as he follows every movement Steve makes. 

“Can we leave? Go somewhere where I can kiss you without having hundred people staring at us?” 

Goosebumps appears on Steve’s arm at the mumbled words and he stands up, reluctantly letting go of Christian's hand. 

“What about your flight?” he asks and motions at Christian's luggage. 

“Eric can deal with it. Later. Now I really wanna go, because I don’t know if I can hold back any longer. I've been dreaming about this for too long....” 

Steve shivers at the rough tone and he feels his dick twitching in his jeans. 

“My car is parked outside.” 

Christian grabs his stuff and walks towards the exit, stiff and barely restraining his frustration of being in a public space. Steve follows him, not thinking about “What ifs...” anymore. 

 

Back at the car, Christian throws his stuff in the backseat, slides in the passenger seat and waits impatiently until Steve sits behind the wheel and starts the engine. 

“Just out,” Christian mutters as Steve hesitates a moment and Steve smiles. 

Apparently their ability to communicate without words is still there. 

He maneuvers the car through traffic and onto the highway leading back to his place. They aren’t talking and as much as Steve wants to reach over and touch Christian, he clutches to the steering wheel cause he sees how Christian also tries to resist. 

But after 20 minutes Steve can’t hold back anymore. He sees a small parking area at the side of the highway; it’s empty and hidden behind a small wall of trees. He sets the blinker and pulls over. 

He parks the car and as the engine dies down, the silence in the car is deafening. 

Slowly he turns to look at Christian who looks at him with dark, hungry eyes. 

The air is electric and full of tension, and Steve doesn’t dare to even move. 

“Out.” Christian growls, unbuckling and is out of the car before Steve can even blink. He fights with his own seatbelt and finally gets it undone. He opens the door and the cool air feels good after the heated atmosphere in the car. He takes a deep breath but then there is Christian, right in front of him, pushing him against the back door, pressing hard against him. Steve groans loudly at the amazing feeling of strong muscles against his own body. 

Christian's arms loop around his neck and his waist, holding him close, not giving him any space to move. 

But he doesn’t want that at all. He put his hands on Christian's hips, feeling the worn denim of his jeans under his fingertips and as he looks up he gasps. 

Christian's eyes are almost black, widened with a want and a passion that makes Steve tremble in his arms. 

Christian doesn’t move though, he’s watching him, letting his eyes wander of his face and Steve can’t suppress the moan that slips at the emotions he sees in Christian's eyes. 

Christian responds with a low, deep groan and then his lips are on Steve’s, hot and demanding, devouring his mouth in a deep and desperate kiss, making Steve forget everything. He presses closer, his tongue searching for Christian's, wanting to taste him, feel him and _oh God, yes, it’s fucking amazing_. Christian is growling deep in his throat and there are those wonderful sweet little noises that drive Steve crazy; his entire being wants to hear that for the rest of his life. He wants to find out what else he can make Christian say and do, he wants to make him moan and whimper, wants to have him lose that last bit of control he still keeps up, even now. Steve feels it and he vows to himself that he will make Christian fall apart, with just his hands and his mouth and _holy fuck, more, more, yes, now, please._

Christian is pressing closer and closer and Steve doesn’t see, doesn’t hear anything but Christian. His fingers dig into the warm skin, his tongue is playing with Christian's and he faintly notices that their hard cocks are rubbing against each other and God, it is the most incredible feeling ever. 

“God, Steve, I wanna...you're driving me crazy... can we go home? As in now... please??” 

Christian breaks the kiss, panting the words with an urge that comes out harsh and needy and Steve rolls his eyes at the deep longing. 

Steve leans in and nibbles at Christian's lower lip, drawing a silent whine from him and Steve smiles. 

He has the feeling he'll never get sick of the noises Christian makes. 

“Yeah, let's go home,” he breathes against Christian's mouth and gently pushes him away from him.

Christian stumbles back and with a last intense look he staggers around the car and closes the door carefully. Steve takes a few deep breaths before he gets in the car and turns the key with shaky hands. 

“Drive fast,” he hears from the passenger seat and as he glances over he sees how Christian clasps to the seat, knuckles white and trembling all over, barely controlling himself. 

“Fuck,” Steve curses and his foot hits the gas hard. 

 

It takes only one hour to get back to Steve's house but for both of them it feels like an eternity. They try to make small talk but every word the other one says only stirs the need to touch, kiss, feel, and eventually they stop trying. Steve stares straight out of the window, avoiding looking over at Christian. He feels him though, permeating heat and want and need and Steve has a fucking hard time keeping the car on the street. 

Finally he reaches the driveway. He stops the car and is inside the house in an instant, knowing without a doubt that Christian is right behind him. 

The front door hasn’t even completely closed as Christian grabs Steve’s shirt and hurls him around and against the nearest wall. 

Christian brings his face close to Steve's, his breath ghosting warm over his cheeks. 

“I will ask you one time, man. Because if you say “no” I'm outta here in a sec. Even though...” he grits his teeth and Steve feels his fists tighten in his shirt, “...anyways...you sure you want this? Yes or no, simple question...” 

His eyes are almost black and he's so close that Steve sees the tiny blue ring around the widened pupils. 

He swallows hard; he can’t think.. All he knows is that he wants, _needs_ the man standing in front of him, no matter what. 

Carefully he takes a shaky breath. 

“Yes.” 

It feels like a force of nature as Christian is all over him, kissing him with such a passion that the moans he makes are loud and wanting. 

Christian starts walking them sideways to Steve’s bedroom; they can’t stop kissing and bumping against walls, clinging to each other, not able to let go for one second. 

Steve kicks the door open, stumbles inside and as his legs hit the edge of the bed he falls down, pulling Christian with him. 

Both are blind and deaf for anything else than the other man. Hands desperately try to remove any fabric and Steve whimpers helplessly as Christian breaks the kiss for the second that it takes to pull the shirt over his head. 

His own hands run over Christian's chest, evoking a deep urge to kiss every single inch of his skin. He pushes Christian on the bed, grabs his wrists and presses them deep into the mattress. He pulls back, looking at Christian's face. It’s flushed, his hair is curling in every possible direction and his eyes are narrowed and following every move Steve makes. 

Steve watches him for a moment, noticing every tiny detail on the face he has known for so fucking long and suddenly realizes that he can’t remember one moment the man wasn’t in his thoughts. 

Conscious or not, he is and was always there, in his head and in his heart. 

Christian sees how understanding flickers over Steve’s face and the smile he gives Steve melts his heart. 

“Finally,” Christian pants and Steve leans down, capturing his mouth into a frantic and wild kiss. 

“It’s about time,” he whispers against Steve’s lips, wriggling his arms that are still pressed into the pillows. 

“I know, I'm sorry, Chris... Let me make up for that,” Steve groans as he kisses his way down Christian's neck. The other man shivers under his lips and Steve can’t get enough of the tiny moans that fill the room. 

“Let me take care of you, Christian,” Steve murmurs against Christian's chest, repeating the words Christian said to him last night. 

“Anything you want, man,” Christian growls and then he cries out as Steve starts biting his hard nipple, licking over it, swirling his tongue around the little nub. 

Christian's cursing quietly, the muscles in his arms are hard and tense; Steve feels the tightness under his palms. 

He releases his grip around Christian's wrists and his fingers run over Christian’s arms, over his shoulders, down his chest. 

Steve kisses and licks over his stomach, sliding further down. His hands are shaking as he opens the buttons in Christian's jeans and pulls them down. With a soft whine Christian lifts his hips and the fabric is gone. 

Steve sits back in his heels to look at him. Soft tanned skin wherever he looks, covered with goosebumps, and as he lets one finger wander over Christian's sturdy leg the man shudders and bites his lip. 

“Steve...” It’s only a whisper but Steve hears the longing in it, the need and he quickly stands up to get rid of his own jeans. 

Naked he slips back on the bed, continuing where he stopped, kissing Christian's hot flesh, sucking small bruises into the thin skin at his hips. 

He flinches for a second as he feels Christian's big warm hands sliding into his hair but then he relaxes again, and as his mouth glided over Christian's thick, hard cock, the other man tightens the grip in his hair. 

Steve darts his tongue over the silky skin, and the bitter taste of Christian's pre-come causes a moan, so deep and low it vibrates throughout his entire body. 

He licks again and then closes his lips around Christian's dick. The feeling of him against his tongue is mind-blowing, heavy and hot, so perfectly right that Steve's mind stops working. He sucks harder only to get rewarded with another of those ridiculously sexy moans from Christian. 

Steve glances up just in time to meet Christian's dark eyes watching him. Steve holds his gaze while he swirls his tongue around the head. Seeing Christian watching him turns Steve on like nothing before, and he sees how Christian get closer and closer. 

Nothing is important now, nothing but Christian in his mouth, his skin under his fingers and his eyes on him. 

Christian moans lowly, his fingers dig deep in Steve’s hair and Steve feels him spasm. Christian comes with a deep, animalistic cry, thrusting into the heat of Steve’s mouth. 

Steve sucks harder, wanting to feel him fall apart and Christian just lets him. He's panting incoherent words and all Steve can hear is his own name, muttered like a prayer. 

Eventually Christian slumps on the bed, his breath comes in short, hard gasps and his hands fall feebly onto the bed. 

Steve crawls up to him, claiming Christian's mouth in a sensual kiss, long and deep and Christian grunts weakly, returning the kiss as passionately. 

Steve's own cock twitches and with a silent moan he drops his hand there but Christian feels the movement and opens his eyes. Hazy and clouded but determined and wordlessly he's shaking his head. 

“Don’t...Let me...” he murmurs as his hand closes around Steve aching dick. 

Steve’s head falls back into the pillows and he gets lost in the feeling of Christian's strong fingers, rubbing and twisting. He feels his orgasm building, his stomach clenches and as he comes it is with Christian’s name on his lips. 

Christian strokes him through his release, knowing exactly when to stop and as Steve’s head stops spinning he opens his eyes. 

Christian is watching him, a tiny smile on his bruised lips and Steve says the first thing that comes to his satiated mind. 

“I love you.” 

Christian's eyes go huge as he stares speechlessly at him. 

Steve bites his lip; he didn’t mean to say it, even though he knows deep inside that it’s true. But the blinding smile that lights up Christian's face now makes him push away every doubting thought. And the kiss Christian drags him in is everything he could wish for. 

They keep kissing, soft and gentle and as Christian pulls back to stand up and shuffle into the bathroom, Steve is watching him with half closed eyes. 

Christian comes back with a wet washcloth and just like last night he cleans them both up before he slips back into bed. 

He pulls Steve against his heated body and grabs the blanket to cover them both. 

Steve takes Christian's hands in his, tangling their fingers together and smiles sleepily. 

“You should sleep, Chris, you're up since ...what?...well, too long, I'd say,” Steve says quietly as he sees how Christian's eyelids flutter. 

“Didn’t sleep at all,” Christian answers and suppresses a yawn. 

“What? But...” 

Christian blushes a little but murmurs: 

“I watched you sleep last night...” 

Steve gasps and tightens the grip around Christian's hands. 

Christian hemmed but keeps his eyes locked with Steve’s.

“You're beautiful, you know that?” Christian whispers as Steve feels his own cheeks heat up. 

“I know, its cheesy and I’ll kill you if you tell that anybody...but its true. You're gorgeous when you sleep...”

His voice almost breaks and Steve’s eyes burn with tears at the deep love in his words. 

He presses close against Christian, wraps his arms around him and kisses the soft skin on his neck. 

“Then it’s only fair that I watch _you_ sleep, don’t you think?” 

His voice is raw with emotion, and as he leans back to look into Christian's face he sees him blinking rapidly. 

He untangles one hand and wipes the tear away that escapes, despite Christian's attempt to hold it back. 

“Sleep, Chris.” 

He kisses him carefully, just a soft press of lips against lips and entwines their hands again, inhaling Christian's unique smell. 

He watches Christian's lids flutter before they finally fall closed, and with a deep sigh his body relaxes and sinks deeper in the mattress. Steve strokes a strand of hair out of his face and the soft touch has Christian smile faintly, even in half asleep. 

“Sleep tight, Darlin',” Steve whispers silently and his heart jumps at the endearment, because it doesn’t feel wrong at all. It feels right, natural. 

As he's drifting off to sleep he hears Christian's sleepy growl. 

“You, too, Baby,” and Steve can’t stop the smile that spreads over his face. 

Yeah, just right. 

 


End file.
